Forbidden
by sarahzara
Summary: Every girl has a secret - but Aria's secret seems to be growing. It's odd how these things work, isn't it? The deeper you bury it, the faster it claws itself out. Be careful Aria, nothing remains buried forever. -A Ezra still works at Rosewood Day, the girls are all in their junior year. Please R&R, thank you xx
1. Chapter 1

**RE-UPLOAD**

**Decided to get back into this story I wrote previously, now a much better edited version.**

**This is an Ezria story taking place when Ezra is still teaching at Rosewood Day. It is six months after they found Alison's body. A is still around but it won't be Mona. Ezra and Aria are together but nobody knows. Only the group know about Emily being gay. Hanna still has bulimia, but no one knows. Always in Aria POV, but maybe later on I will alternate. Aria/Ezra, Hanna/Caleb, Spencer/Toby, Emily/Maya. Please enjoy, reviews are appreciated greatly xx**

**Chapter 1**

"Mr. Fitz has a cute butt."

Hanna's unusually chirpy voice startled me as she sat down in the seat next to me. She may have been a close friend of mine, but her flirty comments towards our teacher (and unknowingly to her, my lover) irked me. I plastered on a fake smile, masking my annoyance at her trivial remark.

"You're really happy today, considering its Monday." I pushed my long, dark hair out of my eyes so I could see her better.

She pulled her blue notebook and fluffy pen from her Prada handbag and placed them on the desk. Her short, blonde, perfectly styled curls of hair bounced as she faced me. "Caleb's taking me to that really expensive French restaurant tonight for our three month anniversary." She gushed, blue eyes twinkling at the mention of her boyfriend's name.

This stabbed at my heart a little bit, because it was mine and Ezra's six month anniversary. We couldn't go out for a nice dinner, or anything really that was in the public eye. But, biting my tongue, I pretended to be excited for her.

She continued explaining every possible detail of the restaurant, including the texture of the bread and how the lighting was 'Oh, so romantic!'. She was an exciteable girl, and loved fitting every tiny detail into her pointless stories. She'd make a decent writer if she had any grammar skills. I nodded along and tapped my foot while I waited for Ezra to start the lesson.

He was looking at me, in that adorable way he always did. To anyone else, it may have looked like he was going over his lesson plan, or like he was deep in thought, but I knew better. His navy blue eyes would flicker up, meeting my hazel gaze, and then back down to his paper. This pattern repeated itself until the class had finally filed in and he had no choice but to start the lesson.

"Alright class, today we will continue our study on theater. We read Shakespeare last week, so today I want you to get together in groups of two or three and begin writing your own script. Remember to incorporate dramatic techniques, and I want a list of the ones you use. And yes, this will affect your grade." His husky voice sent chills throughout my body.

The class erupted in groans and complaints, but I cheered inwardly. I loved theatre. You could express yourself through another character, and I was all about expression. We assembled into groups and I was happy to be with Hanna, but unfortunately stuck with her superficial bitch of a sidekick, Mona. She had straight, sleek chocolate brown hair with the eyes to match, which were usually haughtily glaring at another girl.

Ezra began handing out sheets of paper, and when he reached our desk he put on his teacher voice and addressed me.

"Aria, can you see me after school? I wanted to give you some feedback on your extra credit work." I smiled and nodded. I had to stifle a laugh, he had buttoned his shirt wrong today.

"Mr. Fitz would be pretty hot if he wasn't such a spaz." Mona said, eyeing him up and down as he walked to another group. When he was facing us again, her eyes lingered on his crotch.

"He's not a spaz!" I said quickly. Too quickly.

Mona's eyes widened, before she rolled them. "Relax, Aria."

Hanna and Mona started a conversation about whether wearing the same shoes two days in a row should be illegal, and I did the group-work on my own, enjoying every second while I zoned out into my own little world.

The rest of the day was pretty similar to that, and I was grateful to be spending my last period, which happened to be free, with Emily.

"I feel like our group has grown apart since Alison was murdered. Spencer hangs out with her hockey friends and Hanna's with Mona." I told her as we were lying down on a grassy patch at our school. This spot was where our group would always hang out during free periods. Alison showed it to us, and we soon claimed it as ours. It was behind the English block, secluded from the rest of the school.

Emily cringed at the sound of Alison's name. She loved Ali, on a different level than the other girls. She loved her as much more than a friend, and Alison never returned the feeling. I knew that it was hard for Emily to talk about it, so she changed the subject.

"Anymore messages from A?" I asked.

She shrugged her tan, athletic shoulders. "Not really. They're all the same really. 'Tell everyone you're gay, or I'll do it for you'. 'Stop looking for who killed Alison or you're next'. It's pathetic and it's getting old. Maybe it's just a stupid joke."

I wanted to believe this, I really did. Maybe it was just paranoia, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was more than a joke. "They know about the Jenna thing, Em. And they have pictures of us and know way too much. If this A person tells on me, I'm screwed."

Emily sat up, her long, ebony black hair cascading down her shoulders. "Is what you're hiding that bad, Aria?"

I bit my lip. Emily was trustworthy, but I had promised Ezra I wouldn't tell anyone. I felt like exposing this to someone could just become a catalyst for all sorts of bad events. But then again, his was Emily. Sweet Emily who would never judge anyone.

I took a deep breath. "Emily, you can't tell anyone about this. Not even Hanna or Spencer, okay? You're the only one I can trust with this."

Emily looked concerned, but nodded.

"I'm dating someone." I tested.

She looked confused.

I sighed. "Someone older."

She arched an eyebrow. "Aria?" She stared at me, waiting for me to explain.

I chewed on my thumbnail, trying to figure out how to tell her. I decided that brutally honest was the way to go.

I looked around. The grassy field in which we were situated seemed abadoned. Nothing but red-brick walls of the school buildings and the car-park in the disance surrounded us. We were alone.

"I'm dating Mr. Fitz."

Her jaw dropped and her eyes bulged. "Mr Fitz? The English teacher?" Her voice was choked.

I delved into the story about how we met at the bar, how surprised I was that he was my teacher, and everything after that. She hung on to every word and I don't think she blinked the whole time I was speaking.

"Aria... he's your teacher." She warned.

"I know, I know. But I met him before that, you know? You guys met him as 'Mr. Fitz' who loves giving extra homework, but I met him as Ezra, the guy who loves bar food, European beer and poetry. It's not what you think, Em. We love eachother."

She studied me. I could tell that there were a million thoughts running through her head, and she didn't know where to place them. She picked at her palm, a nervous habit she had. She finally sighed. "Ok. If you think it's right, then I'm in no place to say otherwise." She smiled.

"Thank you." I truly was grateful.

We were lazily discussing 'forbidden' relationships when Spencer walked past, spotting us.

"You guys have a free period as well?" She sat down next to us, stiffer than usual.

"Yeah, nice to relax for a while." Emily smiled.

Spencer scoffed. "Well you don't get good SAT marks by relaxing." She pulled out a folder, filled with at least 200 pages. "I've started studying for the mid year exams already."

I was shocked. "Spence, those aren't until a month from now! And we're only juniors, it isn't that important."

Her almond eyes narrowed at me. "Not everyone's parents want their child to be an artist, Aria." She flicked her chestnut hir over her shoulder and scratched her neck nervously. Stress really affected her, especially with the strictness of her parents.

I decided to keep quiet after that, so Emily and Spencer talked about their classes and how they were doing in sport - Swimming for Emily, Hockey for Spencer. I wrinkled my nose. I hated sport.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the day. I said goodbye to Emily and Spencer, and anticipation flooded through my body.

Time to see Ezra.

**Reviews are much appreciated x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Breathe._

Even though I had knocked on this same English classroom door a million times, it still exhilarated me. It was one piece of wood, seperating me and my lover. It fascinated me in a sense. I knocked. As I waited for Ezra to open the door, I stared at the patterns in the wood. So many students had knocked on this door before, I thought to myself. So many, but never for the exact same reason. I could guarantee not many had been here for the reason I was knocking.

Ezra opened he door with a stern, tired look on his face. His features softened when he saw me. He led me in the classroom and I sat on a desk as he pulled a chair out for me. He shook his head and chuckled, muttering about me 'always having to be different'. He placed himself on the chair he had originally pulled out for me.

"Happy six months, Aria."

I smiled. "I can't believe I've been stuck with you for half a year..."

He mocked being hurt and laughed, the sound of it filled my body with delight. "Thanks a lot."

My smile turned into a grin. "So what's on the agenda for tonight?"

He squeezed my hand. "Well, there may be a surprise waiting in my apartment…" He trailed off.

I clasped my hands together in excitement. "Can I have a hint?"

He laughed, louder than he did before. "No, you'll have to wait."

Sighing, I pulled my hair into a ponytail. "I'll have to go home and have a shower first. Oh shit!" I put my head in my hands and spoke through my fingers. "My parents asked me to stay home for a family dinner tonight." How was I going to get out of this?

Ezra's happiness dimmed a little. "We can always resched-" I cut him off.

"No! No, we can't. We can't keep rescheduling things. I'll come up with something." I chewed my lip, considering excuses.

"Alright, call me when you get home. I love you." He grabbed his keys and kissed my forehead.

"I love you too." I reached up and pulled his head to mine, so we could kiss properly. It was short and sweet, but I still felt it on my lips, long after we parted ways.

I'd just finished blow drying my hair into nice, smooth waves when Mike entered my room.

"Mum asked if you wanted anything different for dinner tonight, because you haven't been home much lately." Mike said in a bored tone, much like his natural one. Sometimes I couldn't tell the difference.

"Shit." I muttered. "I won't be home tonight."

Mike tilted his head. "Why not?"

I racked my brain for an excuse that I hadn't used yet. "I'm staying the night at Emily's house. She needs help with her English test and I promised I would help."

Mike rolled his eyes and sat on my bed. "Oh really?"

I put my hairdryer back in my drawer and pulled out my makeup bag. "Yeah, she doesn't really understand symbolism."

"So you're dressing up to study?" He asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

I froze. I had a lacy black dress on with brown leather boots and I was doing my makeup heavier than usual. I didn't think he of all people would notice.

"I… we're going out for dinner beforehand. She's stressed out so we're going somewhere nice." I knew it was sounding faker by the minute, but I hoped he wouldn't catch on.

My hope was shattered as quickly as i built up. "You might want to come up with a better excuse than that for mum, because that was terrible"

I gritted my teeth. "I'm telling the truth."

"Bullshit."

Mike was as stubborn as me, so I knew he wouldn't budge on this.

"Mike, please cover for me, okay? I can't stay home tonight!" I pleaded.

"Only if you tell me where you're going."

I groaned. "Mike, I can't!"

"Too bad then." He got up and walked towards the door.

"Fine!" I sighed. "I can't tell you everything though Mike. I'm… seeing someone."

His eyes twinkled with interest. God, he was more of a gossip than Hanna.

"Who? Do I know him?" He asked.

"No, you don't."

"It's Noel, isn't it?" He smiled nastily, thinking he had guessed correctly.

I rolled my eyes. "No, and I'm not telling you who it is. So get out, I told you where I'm going, now you cover for me."

I shoved him out of my door and continued getting ready.

I had just finished applying my makeup when a knock at my door sounded.

I sighed. "Mike, I'm not telling you who it is." I yelled.

The door opened, and it wasn't Mike at my door, it was my mum.

"Where are you going, Aria? " She asked. She looked annoyed.

"I need to help Em with her English exam." I lied.

She crossed her arms. "Aria, I work at the school, remember? There isn't an English exam."

My mouth opened and closed. I didn't know what to say. She waited, one eyebrow arched in that perfect way she always did when she thought of lecture.

I swallowed. "She's missed out on a lot of work from all of her swimming. She's retaking a test from-" She cut me off, voice cold like ice.

"Aria, where are you going?"

I felt my face get hot, something that happened when I was getting flustered. "I told you, I'm going to Emily's house."

She shook her head. "Is that why you always come home from school late? Is that where you are all the nights you aren't home?"

Anger boiled inside of me. "Well, home isn't the place I want to be when you and dad don't even talk."

One look at my mother's face and I regretted my words instantly. Her eyes turned cold and hard.

"What do you want us to talk about? The secret you kept from me?" Her tone was venomous. Her face was turning red and her eyes welled up with tears, but she was too numb to cry and that hurt me more.

I couldn't speak. Instead, I found my largest tote bag and filled it with random clothes from my wardrobe. I packed my toothbrush and other necessities, and stomped down the stairs.

"Aria, where do you think you're going?" My mother yelled from the top of the stairs.

"Anywhere but here." I said it quietly, but I knew she heard me.

I jumped into my car and put the key in the ignition. Hot tears streamed down my face as I drove all the way to Ezra's apartment.

I didn't feel safe until I was face to face with the metal '3B' on his door.

**Please R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When Ezra opened the door and saw my tear streaked face, he enveloped me in his arms straight away. My face was smothered by the button up shirt he'd been wearing since school, and it smelt of strong coffee and old, dusty books. I could only assume he'd been reading one since he got home. He felt like my security blanket, my bubble of safety that no one could penetrate and I didn't want to let go. But like all good things, the embrace came to an end.

"Aria, what happened? Are you okay?" He whispered frantically. He pulled us into his apartment before anyone could see us and shut the door quietly. He sat us on the couch and I wiped my eyes.

"My mum blames me for the affair." I said, mid-sob. Memories of Ali tormenting me about the affair flooded through my mind, her sickeningly sweet voice as she taunted, 'If you don't tell her, I will.'

He stroked my hair. "No she doesn't, Aria."

"She does!" I recounted the argument to him, not leaving out any details.

"Aria, I'm sure she didn't mean it." He consoled. "She was just angry."

"She did, Ezra. You didn't see her face. She looked like she hated me." I cried. A tear flowed from my eye and off of my chin on to one of my hands that was folded in my lap. I lifted my hand and studied it while I waited for him to say something. I didn't like watching people while they were thinking.

When I finally looked back up at him, he had pressed his mouth into a thin line, something he did when he was stressed. "Aria, you can stay here until things cool down if you want. But we'd have to careful. If anyone found out..."

I reached up and cut him off with a kiss, one that was fierce and passionate. It was the kind of kiss that you didn't want to end, the kind that made your body flush with heat and your hands wander to places you knew they shouldn't have. It was a kiss that if it continued for too long, there'd be no turning back.

"Aria…" He trailed off. "Maybe we could finish this later…"

His hot breath tickled my neck. "Yeah." I sat up, adjusting my shirt.

"So, I should give you the first part of your surprise." He said.

I frowned. "The first part? I only got you one thing."

He chuckled. "Well, there's only one gift, but I cooked you dinner."

I squealed in delight. "Can I have my present now?" I asked, sounding like a five year old. Presents made me nervous as hell, but god did I love them.

He laughed. "Okay." He pulled out a small box from his coat pocket.

Inside was the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. It was silver and had a thin chain. It held a tear-shaped pendant, the colour of indigo. It was a piece I knew I'd wear with everything, even when it didn't match.

"It's… beautiful."

"Not quite as beautiful as you." He leaned down to me and gave me a tender kiss that was over much too soon.

"I love it. Can you do it up for me?" I asked, and he complied.

"It suits you." He said, kissing my forehead.

"My turn." Out of my handbag, I pulled out a book. "To kill a mockingbird. Signed by Harper Lee."

His mouth opened in shock. "Wow… How the hell did you get this?" He demanded grinning.

"You'll never know." I teased. Ebay.

We sat on the couch for a while, discussing the world. My favourite thing about Ezra was the way I could simply feel so content with silence, and feel so close and connected with him when we were just kying on the couch talking about literature.

After an hour or so, he decided to dish out dinner. He had cooked me spaghetti bolognese, and it was fantastic.

"Do you like it?" He asked me. He had a concerned expression on his face, as if he expected me to die the second the food touched my lips.

I smiled and swallowed my food. "This is the best spaghetti I have ever eaten." I told him. He gave a sigh of relief and we continued eating.

I helped him clean the dishes and once we finished, we sat on the lounge, continuing our previous discussion.

"Aria, how's your friend, Spencer?"

I frowned. What an odd question. "Fine… Why do you ask?"

He shook his head. "A few teachers have noticed erratic behavior, just thought I'd ask."

I guess she had been acting weird lately, but she always did near exam time. "She's easily stressed, Ezra. If you knew her parents you'd-"

My phone chimed, interrupting the conversation.

**With all this extra credit work your doing, I'm looking forward to a BIG A.**

**-A**

"Is everything okay?" Ezra asked, concern flooding his voice.

"What? Oh, yeah, just Emily. Um, fashion emergency." I smiled weakly.

He shrugged, knowing better than to push it.

"I'm going to go pick up some more clothes and stuff from my house. I'll be back in about half an hour or something." Without looking back, I swiftly left Ezra's apartment and sat in my car.

What was I going to do? If A told someone, shit would hit the fan. What was this big A? Who was A? It was all too overwhelming. I needed to vent.

Sighing, I drove to Emily's house.

"Aria, what's up?" Emily asked as she opened the door. We walked up to her room for some privacy, and i flopped down on to her bed.

"What's up? My mum practically kicked me out of the house, that's what!" Anger unintentionally projected through my voice, although not directed at her.

Emily looked shocked. "What do you mean?"

Sighing, I explained the argument to her. Once I had finished, I was bombarded with questions.

"What will you do?"

"Where will you stay?"

"Why would she say that?"

"Are you okay?"

I laughed at her caring nature. "I'm okay, I guess. Well, I do have someone to stay with…" I trailed off, hoping she would catch my drift.

Her mouth dropped. "You're staying with him?"

Biting my lip, I nodded.

She lent back and shook her head. "I can think of a million different ways this could go wrong."

"Same here. What other option do I have? And at least we can spend more time together. Watching him over a desk isn't my idea of a romantic date."

She laughed at that. "Yeah, now you can order take-out and watch cartoons."

We laughed, and I was happy that I decided to trust Emily with this. Spencer would have grilled me about 'the law' and how morally wrong it was, and Hanna would have just asked me how the sex was. I'm sure she'd be disappointed, seeming we hadn't even done it yet, but I'm sure she'd try and pry other personal details out of me anyway.

Emily walked with me to my house to pick up clothes, and relief hit me like a truck when I saw that my mum's car was gone.

We walked inside and the house was quiet. "Mum's probably taken Mike to the lacrosse game." I told Emily.

We rushed up the stairs and into my room. I wanted to get this over and done with as soon as I could.

I found the largest bag I could and started shoving things I needed. My thick knit cardigan, several tops, tights, jeans, a few cute dresses, stockings and shoes. Then it was on to bras and underwear.

I started with just the basics, but then I remembered how hot and heavy Ezra and I were getting earlier. We had been dating for a while, and I really did love him, so I picked out a lacy black bra and matching underwear. I held it out and showed Emily. She raised an eyebrow.

"Are you guys going to…?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe. We have been dating for six months now." I put them in the bag.

The bag was getting pretty full now, so I shoved a few accessories and perfumes into it. I just managed to fit my make-up bag in, and then I zipped it up.

"Make sure you be careful, Aria. And remember, he's you're teacher. Don't let him pressure you into any-"

I cut her off, laughing. "I get it, Em. Don't worry, I'm not stupid."

"What's going on?" A voice sounded from the doorway. Mike was standing there, confusion clouding his face.

Did he hear our conversation? "Wh-What do you mean?" I stammered.

He blinked, expressionless. "Well, I heard you and mum screaming at each other before dinner, and now you're packing your bags."

So he didn't hear it. "I think it'd be best if I spend some time out of the house, Mike."

He laughed, but it was dry and lacked any humor. "Oh, like dad? How sweet of you, following in his footsteps."

I frowned. "Dad hasn't left. He's not going to leave, either."

His eyes widened in mock surprise. "Oh! You missed the argument. For some unknown reason, mum was screaming at dad, and then he told her that it was 'time to spend some time apart'."

I felt the color drain from my face. I left the house for a few hours and my whole family blew apart.

He continued his rant. "And it's weird, actually. It all happened right after you brought up the affair with mum." His voice was now as cold as ice, and it chilled me to the bone.

"I didn't bring it up, she did!" I yelled. "Don't you dare blame this on me!" I grabbed my bag and towed Emily towards the stairs. "If mum bothers asking where I am, tell her I'm staying at Emily's until anyone in this family gets some fucking sense!"

Tears were flowing down my cheeks as I rushed out the door. Emily hugged me, and then we walked to her house where my car was parked. She forced me to come inside to calm down.

"It's okay, Aria. He's just upset. Things will turn around, they always do." She comforted me.

I smiled weakly. "Not this time, Emily. I don't think my family's ever been so… dysfunctional."

She shrugged. "You never know. It could all just sort itself out, you know?"

I sighed. "I guess. Can I use your bathroom? I'm going to change before I go back to Ezra's place."

She nodded and I grabbed the clothes I was going to wear. I put on the lacy black underwear and pulled out the dress I planned on wearing.

It was a simple black dress. The back of it was lace down to the small of my back, and the front was plain. It came in at the waist, and flowed down to the middle of my thighs. Somehow, my make-up stayed fine throughout all my crying, and my hair still cascaded down my back in smooth, dark waves. I put on some brown boots and returned to Emily, who wolf-whistled.

I laughed. "Thanks Em. I better get going, Ezra's probably worried. Thanks for today."

"No worries. See you tomorrow, at school."

The drive to Ezra's apartment seemed longer than usual, probably because I was anxious to see him again.

Getting out of my car, I was surprised to see Toby out the front of the building.

"Toby?"

He turned, and was just as surprised to see me. "Aria? What are you doing here?"

Shit. "Oh, um, Hanna asked me to pick up some organic juice from this hippie store.. There's never any parking near there, so I walk from here." It was lame, but he bought it. "What about you?"

His face fell. "I'm picking up Jenna from the hospital." He pointed to the left of Ezra's apartment. A few blocks down here was a small hospital, one that I'd never been to. It only specialized in a few things.

"Oh. Is she okay?" I tried to sound concerned, but Jenna had been nothing but hostile and strange towards me and my friends lately.

"Better than okay, actually. The doctors operated on her eyes today. There's a chance she may be able to see again." Although the news should have been exciting, Toby looked like there could be nothing worse.

"That's… wow." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

He shrugged.

There was an awkward silence. Toby and I actually didn't know each other that well.

Toby broke the silence. "Well, tell Spencer to call me if you see her. Nice seeing you." He gave a strained smile and walked off to the direction of the hospital. I felt a deep sympathy for him, Jenna was cold and manipulative and he had to live in the same house as her.

I waited until I was sure he had entered the hospital before I walked into Ezra's apartment.

I immediately ran to the couch where he was seated and hugged him, glad to be in his presence again. I kissed him hungrily, eager to be close to him.

We broke apart. "Is everything okay?" He asked, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. His face was so close to mine, I was incapable of speech.

I shook my head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I felt his breath on my neck and he placed a kiss on my jaw.

I shook my head again.

He looked at me with lust filled eyes. "Are you sure?" His voice was barely a whisper now.

I nodded.

I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to think. I wanted to leave the world for a night, and that's exactly what Ezra and I did.

**Hope you enjoyed, please review xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Spencer**

C.

The letter stared at me. I was holding the paper I'd written on the Russian revolution that had just been marked, my hands shaking.

"This can't be right." I muttered. I shook my head in denial. No, I was Spencer Hastings, and Spencer Hastings never received a C.

I looked around the class, my head spinning. Bethany, a dark-skinned girl who sat in the far-back corner of the room looked happy with her mark. She had a small smile on her face as she tucked the paper in her folder.

Bitch.

I glanced up at the teacher, Mr. Holbrook. He was writing on the whiteboard with a blue marker that was close to running out, the words almost unintelligible. He turned when he heard someone exclaim.

"Sir!"

His head turned towards me, and I realized it was my voice that alerted the teacher.

I swallowed nervously and fidgeted with my hands. The class had all turned to a position where they could see me. "Oh, um... I was wondering if we could speak about my mark?"

The class groaned. I feared they had grown used to my antics when it came to school work.

Mr. Holbrook sighed. "Could we do this after class, Miss Hastings?"

Frustration boiled inside of me. How could he not see this was urgent? After all, it wasn't his family that would chastise him. "I'd rather do it now, if that's alright with you, sir." The bitterness of my tone must have surprised the AP History teacher, because he then made his way towards my desk.

"Is there something wrong, Spencer?" He spoke in a quiet voice, careful not to disturb the other students who had begun working on the task he had assigned for the day.

I smiled, and it was not sincere. "You gave me a C."

"You earned a C, Spencer. I work very hard to give honest marks in this class, as you are all honest workers." His eyes flashed with annoyance.

I scoffed. "Well you didn't try hard enough! You know I'm your best student."

Mr. Holbrook winced at the venom that had leaked into my voice. "You're one of my best students, Miss Hastings, but this was not your best work. I'm sorry." He rigidly walked away and seated himself at his desk, not gracing me with another glance.

My blood was boiling. I could feel heat flushing my cheeks and I could only imagine that my face was an odd contortion of what was usually a stern, calm expression. But I didn't care. How dare he give me a C. My parents wouldn't ever get off my back for this.

I snatched up my notebook and pens and hastily shoved them into my new Kate Spade bag, not even acknowledging the fact that such rough treatment would damage it. I stood up, stormed out of the classroom and slammed the door on the way out. I normally wouldn't want to cause a scene like that, but I couldn't help it. His reasoning was outrageous.

I sat in my car, a brand new silver Volvo that my parents had purchased for me when I topped the junior year in the AP English exam three weeks ago, scoring myself an A+. At least _one_ teacher at this school was a competent marker. As I started the car, the engine hummed, and I wondered if my parents would take it away from me once they discovered my pathetic grade.

I shook the thought from my head as I pulled out of the school car park, not caring that I was truanting. I knew it was an overreaction, but I felt like this would be the beginning of my imminent failure.

I didn't pay much attention to the speed limit as I drove around aimlessly. I spotted Aria's ancient Subaru near a shabby apartment and I was confused, she didn't ditch school often. A bitter resentment flooded my veins. Not like her parents would care, anyway. Art freaks.

When I finally parked in my over-elaborate drive way and rushed into the house, I was relieved to find it empty. Melissa and my parents would be at work for hours. I darted up the stairs, into my bedroom and then lit the fireplace that was in there. I pulled out the paper that received a C and threw it in, watching as the flames consumed it hungrily. It was over, I thought as relief washed through me.

The relief was short lived, though. Mr. Holbrook would surely notify my parents of the terrible mark, and I couldn't have that. Mental images of my parents taking away my cell phone and television flooded my mind, and I tried pushing them away. Nothing seemed to work.

I stood up and walked to my bedside table, knowing my mind was on the wrong track. There was only one thing that could make me feel better. I opened the drawer and pulled out what had become my best friend for the last few months.

**Hanna**

Mona and I had such a lame schedule on Tuesdays that we mostly ditched school altogether. We'd strut off to the King James mall, eat low fat yogurt and discuss whether the new Gucci skirts in store at the moment were perfect, or just plain pathetic.

"Ooh, sexy police man to your left." Mona licked her peach-glossed lips as we sat at the trendy yogurt store, 'Yaourt'.

I swung my curls over my shoulder, and studied the man Mona had identified. Darren Wilden, the man who had caught me shoplifting and slept with my mother to make it go away. I shuddered.

Mona rolled her eyes at my reaction. "Oh come _on_, Han. Just because you have Caleb doesn't mean you can't look."

I sighed. Mona never seemed to feel much attachment when it came to boys, a lot of the time she just slept with them. 'Try before you buy', she'd say. Although she never bought.

Things were different with Caleb, though. I'd never felt so connected with someone in my whole life, I trusted him with my life. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone other than him, and I didn't want to.

Having feelings like this was quite problematic considering the seemingly all-knowing A was always lurking about. If I ever told Caleb about A, I was potentially risking his life. That was something that I had to keep to myself.

"Earth to Hanna! Seriously, ever since you've started hanging with those losers again, it's rubbing off on you." Mona had a nasty smirk on her face as she glared from across the table.

"They're not that bad. And that's bullshit, you don't automatically become your friends."

Mona scoffed. "Yes, you do. Han, if you start believing you're one of them, you'll actually become one. It's like, the placenta effect or something."

Placebo effect. I had to suppress the urge to correct her, pretty girls weren't smart, and they definitely didn't put down friends. "Ok, Mona."

Mona grew more irritated as the day went on. She didn't like hearing about my old friends or the fact that I was hanging out with them again, and she constantly grilled me with questions about why I had decided to rekindle those friendships. Instead of admitting that it was about A, I told her it was because I missed Alison.

Mona's fury reached a peak at the mention of Alison. "Why? She was a bitch to everyone. Including you." She snarled.

"Mona, she was my best friend. She could be mean, but she could also make you feel so special."

Mona glared at me. "She was your best friend, Hanna. Back when you were dorky, fat Hanna." She looked me up and down. "You're starting to look like that again."

After that, she whipped her dark hair over her shoulder and stormed away from me, stilettos clacking loudly on the tiled flooring.

I stood there for minutes after she left, her words circulating through my head over and over. 'Dorky, fat Hanna. Dorky, fat Hanna. Dorky, fat Hanna.'

I remembered all the taunts Alison used to use against me.

"Sure you want to eat that, sweetie?"

"I think you've had enough, Han."

"Wow, you sure can eat a lot of that. No, don't worry! It's cute."

"That's a pretty shirt. For your body type, of course."

All of a sudden, the world was closing in on me. My clothes started to feel too tight, as if they would burst at the seams any minute. I saw a window and caught sight of my reflection. I gasped.

Did I really look like that?

All I could see was a chubby girl, too much fat in all the wrong places. My stomach looked as if it was overlapping my jeans in an unflattering manner and my thighs were touching way too much. Oh god, did my arms really look like that?

I couldn't breathe. Air was coming through in short gasps, so I ran to the bathroom. It was empty.

I splashed my face with cold water and looked up in the mirror. Were my cheeks always that big? Was my neck always so fat?

I knew what was happening. I was relapsing. I'd worked so hard, I'd been three months without doing this. But I knew at this point it was too late, I was too far gone.

I ran into the bathroom stall and closed the door. I fell to my knees in front of the toilet put my face in my hands. I was trembling, I hated doing this. Caleb would be so mad.

I took a deep breath and shoved two fingers down my throat, and I gagged. I did it again and again, until my stomach emptied it's contents and tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't believe I'd stooped to this level again, I was so disappointed in myself.

Once it was over, I washed my face and hands in the bathroom sink. I looked at my reflection, and I was again the slim, perfect Hanna I'd worked so hard to be.

I dried my hands and stepped out of the bathroom, and then my phone chimed. It was a message.

**Hey there Hefty Hanna! Looks like you're not the only one emptying your stomach!**

**-A**

My body turned ice cold. A knew what I had done.

Confusion then hit me. Was one of the girls also doing this? As I was thinking, my phone rang. Emily.

I answered. "Emily? What's up?"

Emily's voice sounded strained, as if she was crying. "Hanna, I'm at the hospital. Spencer's getting her stomach pumped. She... she overdosed."

**Please read and review xxx**


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